I confess... for the past few months I've been going through some serious separation anxiety. Carnegie Mellon has been my family for the last 8 years, and I'm not looking forward to leaving it. I've had the same email account since 2002. Before that, I didn't really even have an email account. Okay sure I had been using buff_chic6@hotmail.com, but I never really emailed anybody from it. Gmail wouldn't even start to be offered as a service for another 2 years! The thought that I still have emails in my inbox from 2002 and that I will be loosing those in a matter of months is a scary thought. I spent 5 incredibly formative years in Pittsburgh, watched much more closely than I ever realized by the Student Affairs staff there. Since moving to Qatar, I've enjoyed the growth of my superviser-supervisee relationships into professional collegial relationships. In coversations with some of them, I realized that I had a much larger family of caretakers than I could have ever imagined while I was an undergraduate. A lot happened in those 5 years, too. I broke several bones, switched majors, added another major, found my new favorite sport, joined a sorority, started a student organization, started a new school tradition (that still lives on to this day, I might add), found my calling in life, worked, spent my summers there, travelled abroad by myself for the first time, did independant research, wrote the longest paper I'd ever written in my life (and longest still to this day), became a steelers fan, volunteered, found my passion for coaching, found God, discovered an even greater love for the outdoors, and encountered countless people who would ultimately change my life. And none of that would have ever happened had I not gone to Carnegie Mellon. What's even funnier is that the way I got there, and the way my life progressed after getting there, is one big series of FORTUNATE events. I can still remember the summer I visited campus... it was the summer before my senior year and I was going on a big college tour with my parents to check out various campuses. I was interested in going into engineering and so we had picked out various different college that were strong in that field. We started off heading west to University of Illinois, Michigan, Ohio State, then made our way East through Case Western, University of Rochester, Syracuse, various places in Boston, Penn State and on our way home we stopped on a whim at Carnegie Mellon. I hadn't really heard of it but I figured it wouldn't hurt. I show up for our campus tour and admissions talk in shorts, a tanktop, and flipflops. Turned out my "admissions talk" was actually an "admissions interview" and I panicked as they asked my parents to leave the room so that I could "chat" with an admissions officer. They said it would only take 20 minutes but about 45 minutes later I left the room thinking I'd talked my way out of an acceptance letter. Turns out this lady thought I had something in me, and the rest is history. I'm absolutely 100% convinced that I would not have attended CMU had I not had that interview (for various reaons including actual acceptance and financial aid). I've actually tried to email her in the past to thank her for the interview and her recommendation. She never responded, but I hope that she received it nonetheless. That chance event literally changed my life. I even ended up loving Carnegie Mellon so much that I willfully decided to stay for an extra year after graduating just so that I could continue to be a part of the community, take more classes, and work on a project to improve the dorms. I loved every minute of it.
My relationship to Carnegie Mellon has only grown since I moved out here 3 years ago. I contributed to the community an undergrad and it would have only been fitting to continued to contribute in my first full-time professional experience. It's been good to see the university from an employee perspective as well. People often get an unrealistic view of a university by having an incredible 4 years and then leaving. Even though I've seen some of the problems and struggles that the university has, it's made me appreciate even more my experience as an undergrad. My sense of contribution is even greater now as an employee than as a student, too. When you're a student, there's only so much you can do to change things or institutionalize them. You try hard to make initiatives in your club or organization or sports team or residence hall but at the end of the day if you can't keep the intiative going with the next generation of students, all is lost. Not as true when you're an employee. Yes, my successor next year could choose not to implement any of the things I've worked on over the last 3 years and completely start from scratch. But because those things have become a part of the functional operation of the university, there's a much greater chance that they will continue to be so. Which almost makes it easier and less stressful for me as I prepare to leave. My greatest task will be capturing all of it such that it can in fact be carried on once I leave.
Really, though, my anxiety doesn't come from the fear of a loss of my efforts. It comes from not being a part of something that's been so central to my identity for the entirety of my adult life. I'm a different person now than I was before college and that person came to be at Carnegie Mellon. All that I am, Carnegie Mellon has made me. And to tear myself away from my alma mater is like tearing a little piece out of my heart. I guess I'll just have the next chapter to look forward to - alumnahood :)
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